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Read My Mind

Is Living a Great Life Demeaning to a Woman?

living-a-great-life-smallHere’s the bottom line: a healthy woman doesn’t want to be more than the icing on a man’s great cake of a life. A good woman wants to be with a man who has passion and good guy friends, welcomes challenge, takes good care of himself, and makes a difference in the world. Read More

Take Your Job and LOVE It!

i-heart-my-job-smallWhether you have a good job that is occasionally unsatisfying or a terrible job for which you have to psych yourself up or smoke a joint just to get out of bed, you can take charge and actually enjoy showing up. FREE Podcast! Read More

Belonging

belonging-small-2What experiences make you feel optimistic, complete, and blessed? If you are like most people, it’s the feeling of being deeply connected, known, and valued. Feeling desired by those whom you desire. Belonging. This is probably the strongest of human drives. Read More

100% More Productive and 100% Happier

productive-man-smallWhen I started paying attention to the symptoms and markers of ADD/ADHD a few years ago, it blew my mind how many men I work with have been dragging a hidden anchor behind them all their lives. Most are smart, moderately successful, but FRUSTRATED! And they just don’t know why. Read More

Two Of My Favorite Books

feel-the-fear-blog-smallI got through that challenging period of my life, and now 25 years later, I still repeat “No matter what happens, I will handle it” and know it’s true. I give credit to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway for saving my life. . . . The War of Art feels like it was written just for me. Every time I start reading it, I experience a burst of productivity and focus, which is why I keep rereading it.
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Overthinking It

overthinking-smallThe majority of the people I work with are brighter than average, and bright people tend to have brains that are “problem-solving machines.” This can be a great tool when managed well. Unfortunately, it can also be a curse, because a problem-solving machine needs problems to solve. A bright person can spend all of his or her time trying to figure out everything that might possibly go wrong with any decision or plan before taking action.
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Bringing Up The Past

couple-fighting-smallI've kind of been stewing on this since I wrote it, and a couple things are bubbling up for me. First, how do you get over that "never forgetting" thing? I often find it hard to communicate with my wife, because I'm afraid of saying anything I'm not certain of, knowing that everything I say can and will be held against me.”

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What Does it Mean to Set the Tone and Take the Lead?

set-tone-blog-smallTypically, when I talk with men about setting the tone and taking the lead, they hear: “Be controlling.” The concept of “leading” is frightening, because most of the men with whom I work are Nice Guys who have spent their lives trying to be different from the controlling men they have heard women complain about. Initially, it is difficult to understand how setting the tone and taking the lead is not controlling or self-centered. Perhaps even more significantly, it’s difficult to understand why women like it.
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Does Your Mind Mess With You?

puzzled-man-smallI will never cease to be amazed by all the interesting and amazing things the human mind can do. As a therapist, I am intrigued by how every individual’s mind works. I am amazed and amused by how my own mind works!
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Why Math Majors Often Make the Worst Math Teachers

math-class(small)In general, people who are naturally good at something don't teach it well. They assume that everyone picks up the subject or skill just as easily as they did. When some don't, such teachers don't know how to help students over the hump, because they never struggled with it themselves.
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Your Number One Sticking Point

frustrated manThis is how life works. We continuously bump into various sticking points that cause us frustration, anxiety, fear, guilt, etc. Until we step up and consciously deal with them, nothing ever changes. No matter what our sticking points are, we can’t rise any higher in life until we clear those hurdles. Period. It doesn’t matter what your sticking is, you can only rise as high as that particular glass ceiling will permit.
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A True Life Adventure

people talking on sidewalkI’m a firm believer that miracles happen around people, so unless you’re around people, not much of interest will happen in your life. Every time I leave my house, I expect a miracle.
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Driven to Distraction

distracted manAt its core, The Nice Guy Syndrome is all about managing anxiety. Ironically, since anxiety is a lifelong companion for Nice Guys, the brain gets used to feeling it. Trying to let go of this familiar companion actually creates a new and more frightening kind of anxiety for the brain. Read More

Feeling Needy Around Women

needy man 1A common issue for Nice Guys is feeling needy around women. They often approach them in a “please like me” kind of way -- passive and ineffective. Once in a relationship, Nice Guys tend to hook up a hose to their woman and expect her to constantly validate them and be their core source of social and emotional connection.
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The Likability Factor

smiling manWanting and needing to be liked is childlike in its pursuit of external validation. It also leads to repression of your true self, which takes a toll on your personal integrity. Most significantly, it makes you a Teflon man. Since there is no “you” there, there is nothing for people to connect with. People connect with those who have rough edges, not with people who are trying to be perfect.
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