A single guy writes:
“My biggest flaw is not being able to hold up my part of a conversation. This stops me from approaching women in the first place!”
Being able to carry on an interesting conversation with a woman might be one of the biggest Self Limiting Beliefs (SLBs) that most single guys have.
Many of the men with whom I work have some degree of social anxiety and limited experience approaching women. Because of this anxiety and lack of experience, they see being able to initiate and carry on a conversation as one of the biggest barriers between them and the love and sex they want.
This SLB represents a misunderstanding of what women want and what they expect of men. Here are some truths about conversing with women:
Most women are comfortable doing the majority of the talking.
Have you noticed that? Most women like to talk. It is how their brains are wired. In general, the male brain isn’t wired to talk as much. This creates two advantages for you.
First, most women welcome the opportunity to have someone to talk to. They actually get a hit of the “feel good” hormone, Oxytocin, when they start talking. You are doing her a favor by starting a conversation. You are giving her a high.
Second, since women tend to use more words and have longer conversations, you don’t have to do so much of the talking. In fact, she might like you better if you let her talk more.
If you spend enough time with a woman, you might have to actually start asking her to give you the “guy version” because of her tendency to want to give too much verbal detail.
If a conversation with a woman lags, it is probably because at least one of you has low interest.
Most Bad Daters make the mistake of trying to figure out how to get a woman to like them. This is a recipe for disaster. Your job isn’t to get a woman to like you. It is to test her level of interest and her nature.
That means if you approach a woman and start a conversation, and it just doesn’t seem to go anywhere, it is most likely because she has low interest in having a conversation with you. In my experience, if a woman has even moderate interest, she’ll have plenty to talk about (even if it is just to have someone listen to her).
So, if the conversation goes nowhere, tell her it was nice to meet her and move on. Don’t try and make a conversation happen when there is low interest. You got to rejection. That’s your goal. And, don’t assume the conversation lagged because you aren’t good at conversation and therefore will never have success with women.
Just because women chatter with their girlfriends, it doesn't mean they expect men to interact with them in the same way.
Sure, when women get together with their girlfriends, they like to talk. It is how they bond and get validated. That doesn’t mean they expect you to be like their girlfriends, even though they may chatter at you as if you are their girlfriend. That is why it is your job to set the tone and take the lead.
Most women are more turned on by action than words. I have found in general, talking kills the positive tension women need for attraction and attachment. That is why I recommend that men use the “3Ts” to create positive emotional tension with women, rather than long conversations.
When approaching a woman and while conversing with her:
Tell her to do things