A class member in one of my Dating Essentials online courses recently asked a question that is pretty common for the men who take them – basically, “How do you approach attractive women?”
Here’s an excerpt:
“Most of the women I see that I am interested in aren't ‘opportunities that present themselves.’
“For instance, a super cute girl walked by on the street the other day, but she was texting and didn't see me.
“How would I break into her world so that I can start to test for interest?
“What are your thoughts on approaching when the opportunity doesn't exactly present itself (as in standing next to the person in line, standing in an elevator with her, etc.)?”
Here is what I wrote in response:
What you are talking about is called "pick-up." I don't teach it, and I don't do it.
Pick-up is fundamentally intrusive, ego-based, and demeaning to both men and women.
It is also what most bad daters most want to be able to do, i.e., never having to practice their general social skills or develop their confidence, but having a sure-fire way to get the women they are physically attracted to to be attracted to them with no chance of rejection.
I suggest that if you only want to talk to women your male ego is physically attracted to, why not be totally honest and straightforward?
Try this the next time you see a super cute woman across the room or across the street:
Approach her, block her way, and make some motion that will force her to look at you. Then tell her the truth:
"I am interrupting what you are doing, because I find you very physically attractive, and my insecure male ego likes the idea of having a great object like you as my girlfriend/sex partner.
“I know I would feel like a total winner if you were my girlfriend, and other men would surely envy me.
"I don't know you. You may be as dumb as a rock and a total bitch. You might be lazy and self-entitled. You might be a total limp fish in bed.
“I don’t care. You’re hot, and that’s the only reason I’m talking to you right now.
“I know every man who sees you hits on you just like I am, and you probably don’t want to give up the constant attention this brings you.
"But my ego doesn't care.
“All I care about is the distorted image I have projected onto you because you meet my ideal of physical beauty. None of your other qualities even matter to me. That is why I am talking to you now, even though I know nothing about you.
"So can I have your number?
“I'll call you, and then I’ll work really hard to get you to like me and want to be with me.
“I'll buy you stuff. I'll fix things for you. I’ll help your sister move. I'll let you treat me badly. I'll listen to shit that bores me to tears, but I'll look real interested the whole time because of my hope that being such a nice guy will make you want to get naked with me.
“Speaking of sex, I assume that because I find you so attractive that you’ll be great in bed. I have nothing to base this assumption on other than my fantasy and imagination. Realistically, the opposite is probably closer to the truth since you have no incentive to put out since lots of other men just like me give you status and attention just for being a genetic celebrity.
“Honestly, having sex with you scares the shit out of me because I have you so high on a pedestal, I’m sure you will find me to be an inadequate lover compared to the countless men I assume you’ve been with.
"But hey, enough dwelling in reality. Like I said, I don't really want to get to know a quality woman. I want a woman who looks like you and who will make me feel good about myself and make other men want to be me. To have that, I’ll put up with years of bullshit and grief. But that’s okay, my sense of self is already so low, I’ll gladly take whatever scraps you throw my way”
Want to learn how I teach men to approach attractive women in public?
I don’t teach pick-up, but I do teach men how to expand their social intelligence and social skills.
I teach men how to create a great cake of a life that makes them naturally attractive to women.
I teach men how to interact with everyone they meet and let go of their attachment to outcome.
I teach men how to face their fears and project confidence, even when they don’t feel confident.
I teach men how to make the world a better place just by how they get up every day and walk the planet.
I teach men how to set the tone and take the lead once they have met a great woman.
If you’re looking for someone to teach you how to hit on hot women and run sets because it boosts your ego and makes up for a boring and uninteresting life, you’ll have to look elsewhere. That’s not what I teach.
But if you want to grow and develop yourself as a complete man and learn how to invite a quality woman into your great life, I’ve got what you want.
I invite you to join the thousands of other men who have used what I teach in my Dating Essentials for Men courses to create a dynamic, passionate life, and, in the process, learned how to connect with amazing, high quality women who have blessed their lives.
P.S., What is your opinion of women who are only interested in men whom they perceive to have lots of money? Do you have a name for women like that? Do you find yourself resenting this kind of women? Do you perceive them as shallow and one-dimensional? Do they piss you off?
Okay, how are you any different? How are you any less shallow or one-dimensional if your primary reason for approaching a woman is because she is cute, hot, sexy, etc?
P.P.S. I already know what the first post in response to this blog will be:
“Are you saying I shouldn’t approach or date women I find attractive?”
If you’re thinking that is what is what I’m saying, you didn’t pay attention to what I wrote and you don’t want to let go of your ego-based criteria for choosing women.
Of course you should date and get into relationship with women whom you find attractive. But I hope your definition of attraction goes beyond just physical appearance. It can start there, but if it ends there, you are truly a shallow man and you’ll get what you deserve from the women you meet.
As I’ve frequently said, “Approaching a woman just because she is hot is the worst possible reason for approaching a woman.”
If you’re ready to meet and connect with truly attractive women – women who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside – women who will truly bless your life, check out my Dating Essentials for Men.