Graeme says ...
Great post! I am one of those people who can demonstrate that this is indeed possible. Only a couple of years ago I was a very shy, introverted person with social anxiety. I would never have made the effort to talk to strangers or do anything new. It was just too scary.
But I decided that was a horrible way to live, and so I started to challenge myself to change (as well as being "pushed" by a change in life circumstances - separation). I read No More Mr Nice Guy, started doing the exercises, started to talk to people, and joined a local social club. It was hard at first, but changes came very quickly, and now today I can honestly say that I LOVE socialising! I have made so many new friends, I go out several times a week and have a great time, and I am no longer afraid to introduce myself to strangers and talk to them. And this new-found confidence has definitely transferred over into other areas of my life (dating, work, family, business).
If you'd asked me a year or two ago if I could ever do that, I would have said no. But now that I look back, it wasn't all that difficult really, it just took a commitment.
Manny says ...
Beautiful post! Everything resonated so much with me. I have no story yet, but Ffom your last note, what suggestions do you have on where to start looking for a coach or teacher?
Eric says ...
Up until a few years ago, I had allowed many of may anxieties to shrink my life down. Towards the end of my marriage, I vowed to live differently and set about finding ways to overcome some of my anxieties, or at least live with them more effectively. With a lot of patience, support and effort, I knocked over some huge fears and made important changes in my life.
One of those changes was to do with my social life. My whole "nice guy" thing had me hiding from potential friends and feeling not good enough. As I started to accept myself, I came to see that my vulnerabilities were actually what bonded me to people. In time, I cultivated kinder friendships and let my more judgmental friends drift away.
Joining social systems like Meetup has also been a huge help. I can remember how nervous I was going to my first meeting, but the nerves dropped away by the second or third gathering. Today, I feel no nervousness at all in new groups.
I still see ways in which anxiety shrinks my world, so my efforts to enlarge it are ongoing. It feels like a struggle at times, but I accept the struggle. It's not like introversion is all bad ... it definitely has its benefits!
David Hamilton | SocialExpression.NET says ...
Great comments here guys. Thanks for sharing. I too used to be shy, socially anxious. I'm still introverted and that ain't changing. That's part of my strengths now that I know how to balance it out. I'm a "social introvert" and I love it. I have a huge network of contacts both personal and business that I've built up in the last two years, using the new confidence and social skills I've learned.
@Eric - I agree that meetup.com is really great to get started with. Then from there social circles/networks can pan out.
@Manny - I'm actually a Professional Confidence Coach and the course instructor for Authentic Social Influence. That is why Dr. Glover has brought me on to teach the ASI course. Last round we had some great results for the guys that dove into the work and fully participated. It's a great place to start practicing new skills to get out there and become more socially savvy, if that is what you are looking for.
@Graeme - great to hear you've learned to be social. You've hit on that key point...commitment is huge. Being persistent and following it through until it becomes an integrated skill is the master key. Along with having the desire underneath to fuel that commitment and persistence.
Richi says ...
I am NOT an introvert. I am sometimes so extrovert that people don't believe me when I tell them that I am shy and anxious.
When I feel "most myself" I am quite explosive, but I notice that this sometimes is a way of hiding from normal interactions.
I am also always on guard and checking for what I am doing, people's reactions, and it drives many people away, too. I seem not to be able to integrate the positive feedback when I receive it, just the negative.
It is not a good life, and I feel guilty since I ve got most of what I want.
More so, I feel for the Pick Up industry, and that messed my mind even more, telling me I had to be ways I am not, neither want to be.
I am glad I found this site, which responds to my needs, and mind form.
I ve always envied those who could connect easily, mostly with women, and I never understood which barrier kept me from doing it. somehow, what makes me cringe the most is when people try to get close, I push them away.
I m not sharing a success story, and my life is not so grim neither, but I felt I could open up, here.
introverted pm says ...
Sorry, but your blog post shows that you don't understand introverts.
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