SIGN IN  |

Read My Mind

The Difference Between Testing for Interest and Pickup

by Dr. Robert Glover on Sep 4th, 2012.     5 comments

testing-for-interestA Single guy asked:

“Besides situational openers, ‘How's the coffee?’ ‘What kind of drink is that?’ etc, do you have any standard no-brainer openers like, ‘Hi, what's your name?’ etc.?

The reason I ask is not for an easy way out, but sometimes when I approach I go blank. I just kind of need something to slowly get me going, where I don't have to be witty, or even think about what to say before she walks away.”

The primary difference between testing for interest and pickup is that pickup has an attachment to a specific outcome. You are trying to get a specific person to show high interest in you. That is why pickup is dependent on openers, routines, negs, hypnosis, card tricks, etc. It is easy to become a “Geek with Techniques.”

Testing for interest is something you can do everywhere you go with everyone you meet. It is the best way I know to work on your social and emotional intelligence.

Since you have no attachment to outcome -- you aren't trying to make anything happen -- you are just giving something a chance to happen. It really doesn't matter what you say.

Introducing yourself, asking their name, asking how their day is going so far, making a comment about the surrounding situation, something you are both doing, anything. You are just starting a conversation, not trying to pick them up.

The more you consciously practice testing for interest everywhere you go with everyone you meet, the easier it gets and the more natural it feels.
The beauty of doing this everywhere with everyone is that when you happen to be standing next to a woman whom you find attractive, you don't have to do anything differently. Just do what you've been doing every day. Much less anxiety that way, and a much higher chance of something interesting happening.

That is why I preach, "Get out of the house, expand your route, linger in public, talk to everyone you meet, test for interest, and walk through open doors."

Robert


Check out all of my Dating Essentials for Men online classes and Dating Essentials Q&A Podcasts


find-out-more

Topics: Confidence Dating Essentials

5 Comments

rickb89 says ...
Makes sense.
Milo says ...
Well said.
Yes, and this kinda falls into going slow, and its much harder to get a rude rejection this way, your not making anyone feel vulnerable, your staying within your boundaries, and guarding your heart very nicely id say, well still moving forward
Chris says ...
This is a very good article and so true.
Brian Bachelder says ...
What I don't get is the transition between testing for interest and the way to be able to get together with that person a second time, especially if it is something like a conversation in a grocery store.
eric says ...
@brian bachelder. at that point you have to be bold with the woman and speak up. say something like, hey it was nice talking to you. lets meet up later for dinner, drinks, movie, or whatever. if she says ok. then youre in. if she says no, so what, its no big deal. i mean, youre used to testing for interest with women. so one low-interest woman is nothing to you right?

Email:

No Spam! We Promise.
Upcoming Classes & Seminar
Scroll down for more dates

November 2016 LA Meetup Ad
January 2017 Ruminating Brain Ad
February 2017 TPI Seattle Ad
February 2017 Positive Emotional Tension Ad
de-blog-300px