Discover how your mind lies to you, creates a false identity, keeps you isolated and living in fear, triggers shame and guilt, and prevents you from living the amazing life you desire.
Eight-Week Online Course
Led by Dr. Robert Glover
Class is open to men and women
This class is now underway
Registration open through 25 July
Free: Recording of Live Ruminating Brain Webinar
Listen to the recording of a live webinar in which I answered questions about the Ruminating Brain. In addition to a brief introduction to the concept of the ruminating brain, I answered question on all kinds of subjects related to living with a ruminating brain. I also shared some coping and management strategies from the eight-week course described below.
The Ruminating Brain
What is a Ruminating Brain?
A ruminating brain is a washing machine that is constantly agitating in your head. It spins constantly, day and night. 24/7.
Typically, a ruminating brain causes a person’s mind to spin in many of the following ways (check any that apply to you):
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Past:
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Future:
- It rehashes perceived mistakes.
- It agonizes over missed opportunities.
- It replays failures and fuck-ups.
- It dwells on regret about bad choices.
- It collects and hangs on to perceived wounds and slights.
- It revisits “what only’s” and “only if’s.”
- It builds a case for, and constantly reminds you of, your defectiveness and inadequacy.
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About Your Perceived Inadequacies and Others’ Opinions of You:
- It lives in fear of repeating your same mistakes.
- It is dominated by worry, fear, and anxiety.
- It convinces you it is gathering information to make significant decisions, but it’s really just spinning.
- It keeps you stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
- It convinces you that you can’t act until you’ve considered every possible outcome of every possible action.
- It constantly rehearses possible conversations and potential scenarios.
- It lives in the world of “what if” and can imagine every possible negative outcome of any action or situation.
- It assumes there is a perfect way to do everything, and failure is not an option.
- Even when things are going well, it’s anticipating the other shoe falling.
- It assumes your future will mirror your past.
- It compares you to others in ways that make you feel inferior and inadequate (and occasionally grandiosely superior).
- It measures you by its own arbitrary standards and unrealistic expectations.
- It remembers every mistake but forgets most successes.
- It obsesses over what people might think about you.
- It expects perfection in everything you do (and assumes everyone else does, too).
- It convinces you that you’re an imposter and fraud and that it’s only a matter of time before you’re found out.
- It lives for others’ affirmation and approval but can’t believe or accept them when they come.
- It is terrified of failing and looking foolish.
- It lives in constant fear of rejection and abandonment.
Obsessing about the past, living in the future, and comparing and measuring the self always results in a sense of worthlessness, failure, fear, and inadequacy. It paralyzes you and prevents you from acting boldly in your own best interest. It keeps you isolated and lonely. It makes you think you have to overcompensate and exceed people’s expectations in order to be loved and liked (and get laid). It blinds you to opportunity and the open doors that surround you. It keeps you living in deprivation rather than abundance.
Your Mind Is a Liar
Your mind lies to you all the time – this is a proven neurological and psychological fact.
Your mind distorts your reality, perceptions, memories, thoughts, and emotions. It easily convinces you that you’re a worthless, unlovable person, and that the world is a scary, unforgiving place. It has no problem dredging up all kinds of evidence to support and reinforce these distorted beliefs while ignoring information that might contradict them (Confirmation Bias).
Why does your mind do this?
Because of the type of brain you have.
The mind resides in the brain and thinks, believes, and acts on your thoughts. But this is determined by how your brain is wired.
If you nodded like a bobble head as you read down the lists above, you probably have a Ruminating Brain.
- You may have inherited your ruminating brain from your parents just as you inherited your body type, height, and eye color. Look at your mom and dad and their moms and dads – did any of them struggle with self-doubt, anxiety, mood disorder, fear, criticalness, controlling behavior, isolation, dependency, addiction, impulsiveness, abusive behavior, anger, and/or difficulty in relationships? If so, they probably had a ruminating brain and passed it on to you.
Whether genetically inherited or wired early to manage childhood experiences, your ruminating brain constantly agitates like a washing machine. It causes your mind to spin and ruminate, often in ways that create a negative view of self, others, and the world.
- Or, early in life, your brain may have become wired to ruminate to cope with and manage abandonment, abuse, fear, sadness, uncertainty, or unpredictability. Your brain was very “plastic” and moldable when you were young, and its physical shape and how it functions were strongly influenced by your environment.
Your mind rehashes negative thoughts, memories, fears, emotions, and scenarios of doom and gloom so frequently and consistently, that you naturally believe all the assumptions it makes about you and your place in the world.
But it is often wrong!
For example, your mind can tell you it’s a good idea to take a specific action and then later beat the hell out of you for doing so:
“Sure, eat that last doughnut.”
“You are such a loser! I can’t believe you would do something so stupid!”
Your mind can perceive a mistake and replay it over and over again. It will convince you that you are fundamentally flawed for making such a mistake and that you have to take every precaution never to make similar mistakes again. Your mind convinces you that your self-worth depends on always getting it right.
The same mind that thinks your thoughts will then criticize you for thinking those thoughts – and heaven forbid – for acting on them.
Here’s an important reality: the mind always believes everything it tells itself is true.
If your mind thinks it, your mind believes it, without question.
This is human nature.
Here’s an example. You see a pretty woman you want to approach and talk to. Your mind starts spinning. It tells you that if you approach this woman, you might get rejected and feel foolish. But it also tells you that if you don’t approach her, you’ll always regret it.
If you do get up the nerve, approach her, and get rejected, your mind beats you up for being so stupid and ruminates about what a loser you are. It repeatedly reminds you, “I told you so! What were you thinking? Women like that don’t go for losers like you.”
If you believe your mind’s warnings and avoid approaching her, then of course nothing happens, and your brain reinforces the faulty belief that women just aren’t attracted to you. It points out that you don’t have a woman in your life, so it must be true that that women can tell you are a loser. Then every night before you go to sleep, your mind imagines all the ways in which she might have been the perfect woman for you if you weren’t such a coward and a loser and could actually talk to women.
Feel like giving up yet?
The Good News
Your mind may convince you that you’re defective and unlovable – but it is wrong!
Your brain may have a programming flaw, but you don’t!
Realizing that you aren’t defective – and that the belief that you are comes from blindly accepting the distorted messages your mind constantly replays – can be one of the most emotionally liberating messages you could ever receive!
You are not broken! This is a lie your mind has convinced you of.
How to Stop The Madness?
Learn to become an observer of your thoughts, not a believer in them.
One of the unique and beautiful things about the human mind is that it can observe itself. It can watch its own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, biases, impulses, etc.
Your mind doesn’t care what it spins about. It’s often just ruminating about familiar, habitual topics. It likes following well-worn neural goat paths.
If you pay attention, you can consciously observe your thoughts, feelings, impulses, and memories and choose what your mind focuses on.
If you don’t, it will.
By practicing mindfulness and applying proven principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn to slow your mind, observe it, challenge its assumptions, redirect it – even laugh at it – and turn your greatest critic into your staunchest ally.
What You Will Learn in This Course
What You Will Learn in The Ruminating Brain Course:
- How to be the detached observer, not the believer, of your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions
- How to slow and even stop the spinning
- How to check your thoughts for accuracy and relevance
- How to notice when your brain is spinning before it gets out of control
- How to reframe your thoughts and memories more realistically and productively
- How to redirect your thoughts
- How to learn from, and harness the power of, your ruminating brain
- How to sleep through the night without your mind keeping you awake
- How to release old, toxic memories, emotions, and self-limiting beliefs
- How to soothe your anxiety and take action even when you’re scared
- How to let go of attachment to outcome
- How to stop comparing yourself to others
- How to stop measuring yourself by arbitrary standards
- How to let go of perfectionism and accept failure as an important part of life
- How to learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities for personal growth
- How to overcome the paralysis of analysis
- How to realize that being imperfect allows people to get closer to you and be there for you
- How to stop the “thinker”
- How to separate the useless noise in your head from important information
- How to become aware of how your mind lies to you
- How to accept and embrace yourself as an amazing human being
Calm the Clatter – Stop The Madness
The Ruminating Brain online class will help you become the observer, not the believer, of your thoughts, feelings, memories, and emotions by exploring and illuminating how your mind ruminates. You will explore the origins of your beliefs about you, others, and the world.
You will learn how to apply proven mindfulness and CBT strategies for regularly becoming aware of your thoughts, slowing the spinning of your mind, and shining the bright light of reason on your distorted and self-limiting beliefs.
Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally!
Lesson One: Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally
Lesson One Bonus #1: Common Rumination Patterns
Lesson One Bonus #2: How to Stop The Madness
Lesson Two: Thanks Mom & Dad: Understanding Your Ruminating Brain
Lesson Two Bonus: Waking Up
Lesson Three: Mindfulness and Living In The Present Moment
Lesson Three Bonus: Develop a Daily Gratitude Practice
Lesson Four: Lies Your Mind Tells You
Lesson Four Bonus: Tools for Separating The Lies In Your Head From The Truth
Lesson Five: Judge, Jury, and Prosecutor
Lesson Five Bonus: Obsess Appointments
Lesson Six: Wrapped Around The Axel
Lesson Six Bonus: Ruminating and Thinking (Michael)
Lesson Seven: Why You’ve Never Gotten It Right and Why You Never Will
Lesson Seven Bonus: I’ll Handle It
Lesson Eight: Why Relationships Seem So Hard
Lesson Eight Bonus: Make Your Bedroom a Non-Rumination Zone
Click Here to Register
Standard Registration for Men: $250
Student/Military Registration for Men: $125
You must be a full-time student or active military to qualify for this discounted rate.
Alumni Registration for Men: $125
This discounted rate applies to alumni of previous "Ruminating Brain" classes.
Registration Open Through 25 July
100 % Satisfaction Guarantee
If you are not completely satisfied with the quality of the materials in this course, your money will be happily refunded!
How the Class Works
When you register for The Ruminating Brain, you will receive a link to a class resource page. After the course begins, a new lesson will be added to the class page each week. Most lessons will be presented through a written “lecture,” from which you will be able to download and print the lessons and homework. The course will also utilize some video and audio recordings that supplement the lessons.
The lessons will present information to help you understand the subject and yourself. They will be geared toward helping you apply the information to your life in very practical and doable ways. Each will have discussion questions to stimulate personal reflection and interaction with class members on the online forum. Homework assignments will help you apply the information to your life.
Class Discussion Forums
The class resource page will contain a discussion forum for each lesson, where class members will post their responses and homework assignments. Class members will be encouraged to read and respond to each other’s posts.
A powerful part of the course will be the mutual support, modeling, and accountability that such interaction creates. Most people struggle to change their lives because they try to go it alone, using a limited set of tools. The online forums will help you see that you are not alone or your issues unique. They will build on the concept of “what one man can do, another man can do.”
The online forums will remain available for 12 months after the class begins so class members can continue to support each other and stay in touch long after it ends.
Instructor Q&A Forum
The class will also have an online Q&A forum where class members can ask Dr. Glover questions relating to the lessons. Dr. Glover will check into the Q&A forum at least twice a week and will respond to these questions.
Live Q&A Sessions
This course will feature two live, interactive discussion sessions with Dr. Glover. The Q&A sessions will last about an hour and will provide a forum for asking any question relating to the course. The dates and times will be posted on the class resource page. If you cannot make the sessions, you will be able to post questions in advance. The Q&A sessions will be recorded and posted in the class library.
This class will have a library where Dr. Glover will post resources related to the topic, including podcasts, videos, recorded interviews, books suggestions, and article links. This valuable library will help class members apply course information and put their intention into action.
You will be able to work at your own pace, reading the lessons and logging into the class forum to read and post at any time. You will be able to participate anytime from anywhere.