I got through that challenging period of my life, and now 25 years later, I still repeat “No matter what happens, I will handle it” and know it’s true. I give credit to Feel the Fearand Do It Anyway for saving my life. . . . The War of Art feels like it was written just for me. Every time I start reading it, I experience a burst of productivity and focus, which is why I keep rereading it.
Typically, when I talk with men about setting the tone and taking the lead, they hear: “Be controlling.” The concept of “leading” is frightening, because most of the men with whom I work are Nice Guys who have spent their lives trying to be different from the controlling men they have heard women complain about. Initially, it is difficult to understand how setting the tone and taking the lead is not controlling or self-centered. Perhaps even more significantly, it’s difficult to understand why women like it.
Wanting and needing to be liked is childlike in its pursuit of external validation. It also leads to repression of your true self, which takes a toll on your personal integrity. Most significantly, it makes you a Teflon man. Since there is no “you” there, there is nothing for people to connect with. People connect with those who have rough edges, not with people who are trying to be perfect.
Many men have some degree of social anxiety and limited experience approaching women. Because of this anxiety and lack of experience, they see being able to initiate and carry on a conversation as one of the biggest barriers between them and the love and sex they want. . . .