Read My Mind


by Dr. Robert Glover on Apr 25th, 2012.     2 comments

man-climbing-rockEvery year I come into contact with thousands of men through my website, workshops, online classes, private practice, and consultation. Out of this work with men, one truth has become undeniably clear to me -- men are happiest, the most fulfilled, and at their best when rising to meet challenge.

It doesn’t matter if it is a challenge visited upon us or a challenge consciously chosen -- the dynamic is the same.

Whenever a man tells me that he is unhappy in work or relationship; or he is struggling to find passion and purpose; or he is lonely, sad, or depressed, I pull out a piece of paper with three words printed on it:

  • Stress

  • Stretch

  • Comfort

I have found that if a man is feeling stuck, lethargic, or unfulfilled, he is probably dwelling in what I call the Comfort zone.

These men are unhappy or bored because they are avoiding challenge in life and escaping into “Junk Food Comfort.”
Junk food comfort can include food, drugs, alcohol, television, the internet, video games, porn, masturbation, even work and co-dependent relationships.

These men are hanging out in the nursery avoiding anything that might challenge them, frighten them, or make them anxious. They see everything outside their comfort zone as stressful.

While we are not at our best when in the Stress Zone, everything appears stressful when we are addicted to junk food comfort. So paradoxically, the more a guy avoids stress by distracting himself with the internet, television, video games, or trying to make his girlfriend happy, the more dependent he becomes on his drug and the more frightened he becomes of anything that might require something of him.

You can tell at any time which zone you are in.

  • When you are in the Stretch zone, you feel both scared and excited

  • When in the Stress zone, you just feel scared

  • When you are in the Comfort zone, you don’t feel anything at all

Our human ancestors evolved into what we are today because they were forced to deal with challenge. It was survival of the fittest. Eat or be eaten. Harsh conditions forced human growth and evolution.

Now instead of fighting real enemies, men spend hours playing World of Warcraft. Instead of building true bonds of intimacy, they Facebook, text, and Tweet. Instead of participating in reality, they watch it on TV. Instead of having sex with real people, they whack off to two-dimensional images on a flat panel monitor. As a result, most men walk through the world unconscious, distracted, bored, and soft.

I frequently say what we need to bring us back into consciousness are a few wild tigers roaming our offices, gyms, and malls.

Do you want to find happiness? Do you want to live with passion? Do you want to rise to your potential? Do you want to experience deep intimacy? Do you want to make a difference in the world? Then get out of your comfort zone and stretch yourself.

The formula for a great life is simply this:

Challenge before comfort

Apply it to all areas of life. Do what is hard rather than what is easy. Turn off the TV. Get off the internet. Get to the gym. Start telling the truth. Try something new. Hire a coach.

Turn every “Oh no, I have to.” into an “Oh boy, I get to!”

Watch what a difference it makes in your mood, your day, your relationships, your bank account, your neighborhood.

Here is the best and cheapest therapeutic advice you will ever receive. Go out today and buy an inexpensive notebook. Every night before you turn out the light, review the ways you challenged yourself that day and write down at least one way you will challenge yourself the next day. Every morning, review what you wrote the night before.

Then do it.

Every day.

For the rest of your life.



Topics: Consciousness Passion


Dinesh says ...
This is awesome advice!Great post!
Porsche says ...
All these chanlleges above are huge and far to reach for me, but I have just benefited from it.


Porsche Cases


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