Read My Mind

What Women Find Attractive

by Dr. Robert Glover on Dec 1st, 2011.     2 comments

woman looking at manA Nice Guy writes:

“I just now realized that no matter how many times women tell me how attractive I am, I'll just never believe it. My main Self Limiting Belief is that I'm just not that attractive, or attractive enough. Unfortunately I don't think this will ever change. So I just have to tell myself, ‘Act as if she's attracted to you.’ This seems to work best.”

Can you relate?

I have found that most Nice Guys have doubts about their attractiveness. They focus on being too short, overweight, too thin, not enough hair, etc., etc. They assume their lack of attractiveness is a primary reason that women don’t seem to flock to them.

Ironically, I have worked with numerous guys who are actually very good-looking. Yet due to a tepid dating history, they assume that women don’t find them physically attractive.

I have dealt with the same thing since I was a teen. I have a scar on my lip, I wore glasses when I was younger, was skinny, had acne as a teenager, and watched my hair recede as a young adult.

Like most men, I judged myself by the same physical standards by which I judged women. Mainly face and body.

Here is what I have learned.

In general, women don't judge men by the same physical standards by which we judge them. Of course most women are attracted to good physical features, but in general, their attraction is based on how a man makes them feel.

  • If you are smart, funny, and act confident

  • If you set the tone and take the lead

  • If you have an interesting life

  • If you take good care of yourself

Women find these things attractive.

Now, long past being “youthful,” I am amazed how often women tell me how good looking I am. It doesn't fit my old view, but it has been changing over the years.

What they are saying is that they find me attractive in a more complete sense of the word. They like that I am confident, funny, smart, self-depreciating, look good in my clothes, take good care of myself, have an interesting life, etc. They like that I can make them laugh, can create positive emotional tension, and introduce them to interesting people and unique experiences.

Also, women focus on little things.
I’ve been told I have great hands, fingers, and eyes. I am told I have a good shaped head (I shave it). I can't tell you how many women have told me they like my ass.

All it takes is one little thing to turn a woman on. So yes, if a woman finds you attractive, believe her.

Try focusing on traits you like about yourself, rather than traits you don't like. That is what women are naturally doing.


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Topics: Dating Essentials Self-Limiting Beliefs Women


Armacon says ...
The problem with me is I have aspergers but its not chronic, just enough to make a girl lose all interest in you, I have had girl like me but they lose interest, reason? Im not the charming charismatic type, I'm good looking but I have realised the looks mean SQWAT. I feel so screwed over by this :( I feel like I'm always going to be the single attractive guy because I don't have the thing they find attractive (the personality, funny, outgoing etc..) I can take the lead but that about as far as it goes, soon they just lose all interest in me, im shattered by this, makes me want to kill myself and I have tried.. but cant leave my parent to fend for themselves, maybe when they are gone I will be done with this life. You have no idea how bad it sucks.
nice guy? says ...
Armacon -

Have you read Dr. Glover's book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy"?

I was convinced that I too had aspergers. Your comment describes many of the same feelings, behaviors and traits that I had. After reading the book though, I'm questioning whether I really do have aspergers.

The book was a game changer for me. It turns out I had a deep rooted fear of abandonment that I developed as a young child. I was in denial at first but the more I read, the more I realized this fear was impacting every aspect of my life (especially dating). The fear was developed as a young child. When I revisited some of my most painful childhood memories with an adult perspective, I realized how irrational this fear of abandonment was.

Not every day is perfect, but my life is exponentially better since reading his book.

Give it a try, you have nothing to lose.


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