Read My Mind

Why You Should Run From A Seductive Woman

by Dr. Robert Glover on May 9th, 2013.     57 comments

seductive-womanA member of one of my Dating Essentials for Men courses recently made the following post on a class forum:

"Robert, you’ve written, ‘At the first hint of sexual seductiveness, . . . RUN! Don’t look back.’

“I am very confused by this. Sexual seductiveness would be something that I would consider for my five must-haves. Maybe this is due to my lack of sexual/relationship experience, but a lot of my fantasies involve a woman attempting to seduce me.

“A woman who can't or won't express her femininity or her seductive powers over men would seem like a Really Wrong Woman (RWW).

“Maybe it is naïveté on my part or the fact that what little bit of experience I have was of the high school variety, but I find stuffed bras, high heels, hair extensions, tight clothes, sexual posing, flirtatious behavior to be a turn on.

“I recently stopped calling a woman I met online for that very reason. She was financially secure, well-educated, and an interesting conversationalist but seemed completely unwilling to compromise in accommodating the male fantasy.

“My limited experience pointed to: if a woman is unwilling to be sexually seductive – there could be problematic reasons. This is exactly the opposite of “the printed lesson.

“I'm confused. I want to be sexually seduced by a woman so badly, springs are starting to stick out of my head.”

Here’s my response.

There are two ways a woman can be sexually seductive:

The first is from an open, conscious place.

The woman sends signals that she is receptive to you and is available to your sexual advance.

She doesn’t try to "seduce" you, i.e., act overtly sexual, expose herself, or act aggressively.

She gives signals of her receptivity (smiling, making eye contact, laughing at your jokes, touching your arm, leaning in, revealing herself reciprocally) and leaves it to you to be the man and take action (penetrate her with your presence and sexuality).

She isn't going to try to get you to like her by displaying her body parts, using overt innuendo, or being sexually aggressive.

A conscious woman is very seductive (receptive and inviting), but because she knows her worth, not because she needs a man to validate her by being sexually attracted to her.

The second way a woman can seduce is from a closed, unconscious place.

The woman acts sexually aggressive, because she knows what to do to get a man to want her (e.g., give him a blowjob in the front seat of his car on the first date, make graphic sexual statements or innuendo, or text him shots of her tits after first meeting).

This kind of seduction comes from a place of unconsciousness and insecurity and usually signals a history of being sexually exploited.

This woman doesn't believe men could like her or be attracted to her just as she is.  And because the only way they could want her is sexually, she believes she has to use her sexuality.

So there are two types of seduction.

The first is from a place of self-respect, openness, and self-love.

The second is from a place of feeling inadequate and having to resort to sexual manipulation for validation and connection.

It is the second kind of woman from which I run.

These women are usually beyond insecure – they are deeply wounded and will quickly pull you into their internal emotional abyss. They may initially come on hot, but they usually turn cold just as quickly. They typically have difficulty being honest and faithful (and the more they claim to be, the less I believe them), because they need constant validation from various men. You will often notice that they still have one or more ex’s in the loop.

You will never come out ahead with women like this (unless you have amazing boundaries and don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are doing anything but messing around with a really messed up woman).

Ask any man who has had a relationship with an overtly sexually seductive woman how that relationship turned out in the long run (feel free to share your experience below).

Partners who have already built a relationship of trust based on genuinely knowing each other can play seduction with each other (e.g., she dresses up in a short skirt and high heals or gives her man a blow job in the car), but this differs from the behavior of an insecure woman who uses sex to get a man’s attention, affection, and validation.

A healthy woman will invite and be receptive.

A healthy man takes action and sets the tone. 

An insecure woman seduces with her sexuality.

An insecure man needs to be seduced.

My suggestion is to quit looking at porn and fantasizing about being seduced by an overt, sexually aggressive woman. Like Pavlov’s dog, you are conditioning your brain to respond only to the kind of woman you have created in your fantasies. Other women seem boring and repressed in comparison.

You might also want to explore why you feel so insecure that you need an unconscious, insecure woman to validate you with sexual attention.

So as I’ve always said, “If a woman wants to give you a blow job in the front seat of your car on a first date, RUN!” (This is when all the hands shoot up to ask, “Before or after the blow job?”)


By the way, Nice Guys also seduce for the same reason wounded women seduce: they don’t believe they can be loved just for who they are.

Nice Guys seduce by being “nice,” listening to women talk about their problems, being different from other men, giving gifts, planning big dates, being helpful, fixing, planning surprises, pleasing, bailing women out financially, impressing, hiding their sexual agenda, etc.

Topics: Dating Essentials Relationships Women


Jacob says ...
Thanks Dr. Glover
Do you recommend that an insecure man will run from an insecure woman till he finds a healthy woman? Will it stick? Will it hold? Will a healthy woman want to get into a relationship with an insecure man and stay there?
Perhaps better is for an insecure man to conciously work together with an insecure woman toward a better emotional independence?
Frank says ...
Like Dr. Glover suggests, look for concious woman, who is open but makes you lead not follow.
David Hamilton | Social Expression says ...
Great post doc. I know exactly what you mean and I agree with you. Many of these women have been sexually abused, too (i.e. borderline). I have compassion for them because it's a tough road for them and to undo it without a lot of conscious effort. It isn't our job to fix them, that's for sure.
Confidenceman says ...
I want to highlight one thing in the article that I think is significant. "They typically have difficulty being honest and faithful (and the more they claim to be, the less I believe them)..." A RWW will make the claim, "I am an honest person." If they make this from some perceived doubt of yours, there is often a significant emotional issue to like inappropriate anger.
Mike says ...
Very true. I realized I was with one of these women when I was participating in your ATWI class last fall. As applied what I was learning in the class, the situation became very clear and I decided to move on.

Thanks for posting this topic to remind us all how important it is not to allow ourselves to get tied up in one of these situations and reminding us that just because you're not with one of these women does not mean you can not have an exciting and fulfilling sex life.
Robert says ...
The woman who I am currently dating initially did not show any signs of sexual interest (at least none I picked up on) but she was very receptive and we had great rapport. I honestly was not really thinking of taking things there with her. When I finally made the move, (about six months after we met), it was on and the sex was great. It really caught me by surprise because up to that point, she was pretty non-chalant about it. I am glad I took the time to get to know her and now have one more thing to like on top of all the other qualities that I like about her.
Jack says ...
Hey Dr. Glover,
I've been with two women who were overtly sexual and both were certainly wanting to take the lead. The first, 20 yrs. younger than me, used her big boobs and would tell me things like, "I want you to do me on your desk." I had no where to run...I was in my own home. How did I respond? I allowed myself to fall into her sexual agenda, the whole time trying to convince myself that it was what I wanted. I should have listened to my member, because it didn't show UP for the occasion. Being unaware of what was going on inside of me left me to conclude that I was sexually inadequate and defective. Lots of anxiety and mental torment. Despite this dismal outcome, she continued to pursue me and within two weeks time she declared that she had fallen in love with me. That's when I found my legs and ran like hell...and made a b-line for counseling. The second woman was someone I believed to be out of my league, but I made myself approach her anyway. I succeeded in getting a date with her and then turned up the charm. After a couple of weeks of dating, she was at my apartment after going out for dinner. We were sitting on the couch and the next thing she did was pull my pants off and start blowing me. Again, me letting her take the lead. Next she turned into some kind of writhing and moaning seductress. I hadn't even begun to do anything to stimulate her. It was like having a feline in heat while I felt like a neutered pussycat in shock. Now some guys can conclude that I couldn't handle it...I jumped to that same conclusion. And actually that was partly true. I couldn't handle it. But it's because I was out of integrity with myself by being invested in the fantasy of being seduced/used and trying to make up for lost opportunities in my youth. Lot's of pressure to perform. It messed with my head and my sense of who I was as a man. Interestingly, this 2nd woman came to me and confessed that because of my lack of sexual response to her, she was able to realize her own sexual addiction and went into therapy. (Yah, great. Glad I could help). I have enjoyed sexual experiences with women who were just as "hot" but it's when I set the tone and took the lead. I have a lot more Nice Guy recovery work to do in this regard and I'm enjoying the energy that is rising up from within.
As a tongue-in-cheek side note, Dr. Glover, I'm wondering about your use of hot female models (one with a fine display of cleavage) to advertise your MYB courses. Are you trying to seduce us? I don't need an answer. I'm all in!
R says ...
This is spot on...although I do enjoy the BJ (actually mostly full on sex) on the first date. Then I run like hell after...
the third date. My amazing boundaries at work here ;)

Look on the positive side, these are the PERFECT type of women to have a fling; a brief sexual relationship with. In fact, I seek them out consciously...
Serge says ...
Jack, your fear of women is your problem, not their. These women were TIRED waiting for you to make a move and have to do it themselves. There is nothing wrong in them wanting you. It only means that you are WORTHY of such attention. Dr.Glover presumes that you have to have a long term realtionship in mind EVERY time you meet a woman. It's his own limiting belief. You can do whatever you want because it's your life, not anybody else's. You can have one night stand, spend two weeks at a resort with a woman you just met, then part ways or marry one you met through parents. It's all right. Get rid of your fear and enjoy your freedom.
Tyler says ...

Instead of hanging onto the notion of an insecure man working with an insecure woman, or seeking a healthy woman - that the "insecure man" works with himself until he is 100% committed to living his own best life, discards ALL the women that aren't what he really wants, and starts inviting the only the ones that he does want in to join him. *note that I say invite, instead of pursue, because inviting is what men do when they are secure in their own happiness without needing a woman to generate it for them. When a man is living his own truth 100%, he won't find women that he has to rescue or fix to be supportive of his path, and will tend to naturally pre-screen them out. Ergo, he is far more likely to attract secure women into his life.

conversely, secure women also tend to weed out insecure men, and therefore it is a better strategy to make yourself a priority anyhow. No matter how successful with women you are, or seem to be, you will not find your security through your ability to "get a good woman." It's got to come from you.

All men and women have insecurities, and these are going to come up in relationship. Perhaps the true mark of security, is the willingness to expose insecurity in relationship. Its going to happen anyhow. So, at the very least, choose a healthy partner from a healthy place within yourself, with whom you can consciously break or move through barriers with.
Jack says ...
Serge, I wasn't even looking at it from that angle, and then my defense mechanism went off, and I took a minute to breathe and take in what you wrote. You're right. I think I was in denial about that. I look for "safe" women. I hope this subject comes up more and how others have dealt with having this fear. The fear also translates into feelings of inadequacy. I want to understand this better so I can work through it. There's something about women's sexual energy that seems overwhelming to me and perhaps I'm not quite comfortable with my own. Thanks Serge for being blunt and to the point. I needed that.
Abrazos says ...
Thank you Robert for your critical insights and succinct prescriptions. In this case the advice may save years or even a life.

The recent circus-like trial for the murder of Travis Alexander can provide a Nice Guy with more than sufficient proof of the risks of entering into a relationship with an overtly sexually seductive woman. It is a tragic case study that only requires a few glances to see what Dr. Glover is describing, but more attention is a waste of time.

The murderess put enormous effort into a glamourous and sexually appealing appearance, leaving her own authenticity far behind. This was a sign that she did not see her own value, only the need to be saved by acquiring this guy.

It turns out the woman had a history of being sexually exploited.

The relationship was defined by sex and an escalation of sexual experiences. It was all about the body and not about the mind. It may have been an addiction for both of them.

The victim may have been a complete fool, selfishly thinking he could dump this woman and still have her in his life as a friend with benefits.

What we normally do to one another in relationships is difficult enough, but this level of mutual exploitation blew its own lid and the happy potential of two lives was destroyed.

Nice Guys, become aware, responsible and wise. Dr. Glover's book and courses are a great way to begin.
Igor says ...
This is absolutely genius. I should have known this when I messed up with this seductive beach.
Luellen says ...
Wow - this is so incredibly sterotypical and offensive to women. You cannot reduce a woman to a type or know her motives or history just by one facet of her personality. Dr. Robert, you should be ashamed of yourself. This sort of misogynistic bullshit has no place in the conversation of someone purporting to want to be helpful to anyone. I implore you think more deeply before reducing a great number of women as people that need to be avoided.
OsoBlanco says ...

Although I profoundly disagree, I can see how one might reach your conclusion. If I may offer another way to look at this that puts it in neither misogynist nor misandrist light. How would most women react when a man behaves in a presumptuously and overtly sexual way before the woman indicates interest or gives permission? If the Schrodinger's Rapist paradigm and ElevatorGate incident are any indicators, many (if not most) women would view such a man with skepticism, if not outright wariness or contempt.

The perceived risks underlying the wariness such women feel would differ from those that would concern a man when a woman accelerates the sexualization of the relationship. However, regardless of its underpinnings the angst is real for both men and women in such situations.

Those who follow Dr. Glover's work know that he is anything but a misogynist. He believes that individuals are unique but equal in worth regardless of gender or sexual orientation, and that men and women are different in ways that cannot be accounted for solely by socialization. He also believes that sexuality is among the most powerful and special forms of of human connection, and is therefore worthy of a respectful and well-considered approach. From his experience as a therapist he knows that realtionships sexualized before deeper more meaningful connections are made are too often doomed to failure. (Please correct me if I am wrong, Dr. Glover)

Viewed in that light I think this post shares commonalities with on web sites geared toward women wherein generalizations are made about the warning signs of men pursuing sexual relations in an imprudent manner (e.g., insecure validation vampires, players, and PUAs). However, one thing about Dr. Glover's post really shnes through--it is all about behavior. He makes no value judgments about women. Dr. Glover just makes observations about behaviors that are reliable predictors of risk. He encourges men to dump porn and the need for seduction to pursue real relationship between two healthy, individuated people.

Isn't that what modern women have said they want?

If it isn't why shouldn't it be?
David says ...
So the expert has spoken - all women must follow a certain pattern and if not, they are 'insecure'.

Ultimately you can't put people in pretty and simple boxes. You're going to make mistakes that way.

Certainly, we should be aware and beware 'insecure women' but insecurity can have different masks...

Slim says ...
I was the one who posted this question in the online class forum. I am flattered that Dr. Glover chose to answer the question at greater length. Had I known it would be presented to a wider audience I would have put more effort into writing it. Fortunately, the Doctor did edit it for brevity. Robert's generosity with his time and his students is remarkable.

When I first read the Doctor's response I had the same reaction as some of the other posters. I thought it was sexist and demeaning to women.

But upon further reflection I am convinced that he is right. I think my mistake was a typical nice guy desire to have everything perfectly delineated and neatly spelled out. The Doctor is speaking about a generality. Generally speaking, women who use overt sexuality to get validation will have relationship problems. But I suspect that what is considered overtly sexual varies among age groups and social strata.

A BJ in the front seat of the car may be acceptable sexual behavior for college-age kids or teens who are not yet completely socialized and are exploring their sexuality.

I don't know.

But I don't believe that the Doctor is saying that women are either Madonnas or whores or that women should come to the marriage alter unblemished flowers while men should have played the field.

I think like some of the other recovering nice guys on here I have a naïve view of female sexuality. The reason we nice guys aren't getting laid is not because society sometimes cruelly and unfairly labels sexually active women in a negative way. We are not getting laid because we are not bringing our sexual agenda to the table in a healthy, adult manner. We are not getting laid because we do not have a great cake of a life that a woman can beautify.

The problem is not the imperfect reality we find ourselves in. The problem is us: our reaction to that reality. We can't change the world, but we can change ourselves.
David says ...
I see Dr. Glover's work as being primarily a guideline to see where I may need to be more conscious. Of course he needs to generalize to make a point. We live in a strange world indeed. Men are becoming more feminine. Women are becoming more masuline. Polarity is becoming blurred and this can't help but lead to mass confusion and delusionment. Dr. Glover is not talking about becoming a "cave man." He is talking about becoming more mindful of what being a "Nice Guy" can do to mess our lives and relationships and how we can embrace our masculinity without apology.
Virginia says ...
Yup I'm definitely the second woman. Although I wouldn't summarize my worth to a man as just solely based on my sexuality so much as the companionship. I'm sure I'm still in the denial phase of just how insecure I really am. But I see it as a symbiotic exchange of services. He offers to be my emotional tampon, and I offer him sex in return. It's a pretty good deal from my experience. A clean cut transaction, where both parties are happy.
TheGirl says ...
I came across this article, as I was doing some research for an article I just posted called "Women's Weapon of Seduction" and I think this post makes a lot of good points. Especially between what an secure and insecure person will do to seduce someone. As well as the spin it takes to ask men why do they feel they need to seduce by a hyper-sexual character?
Siren says ...
You are correct about sexually aggressive women. I have known many in my lifetime, and they all share the same insecurity. The sexually aggressive women, in truth, runs counter to nature: She is masculine and desperate to penetrate, not feminine and willing to receive. However, she is in high demand to day because of the feminizing of men, who have become so insecure in their masculinity (warped by culture and media - porn is one such influence). This should be read by every man on the face of earth. Thank you for posting it.
marie says ...
Very enlightening. What I want to know is what is wrong with having just a sexual relationship? I work long hours and have a very full life and absolutely no interest in a relationship. Relationships take time to nurture and grow and I simply don't have time. But I do love sex. I don't have sex with anyone and/or everyone, just a couple of men that I have known for years. We all understand the situation and have boundaries. We also protect ourselves. I don't think this makes me insecure and wanting valedation. I just know what I want.
Robert says ...

Nothing at all wrong with how you approach sex. It sounds like you are conscious in the process and everyone involved understands the agenda. That is different from being unconsciously seductive from a place of insecurity and/or believing one can only get attention through sex.

Robert Glover
M says ...
Wow. This is extremely simplistic & demeaning. A healthy woman needs to invite? Stereotypical, outdated gender roles, much? A healthy person, regardless of gender, takes charge of what they want. There is a difference between assertive & aggressive. And even so--some aggression can be healthy, just ask your typical man. There are certainly more than two kinds of "seductive women," and according to your "classification," either "type" listed here could be healthy or unhealthy, depending on the context.

What kind of data & research are you using? Your website does not say--where did you go to school? Your conclusions seem a far cry from credible, and so do you, "Doctor."
Jack says ...
This is a brilliant post. Full of the kind of things lot of us know but unconsciously ignore. Thanks for putting it into words!
annon says ...
I am one of these insecure women this is very interesting to read describes me to a tee how do I change my ways? Any suggestions?
Laila says ...
I definitely used to be the second type of woman back when I was more insecure. This really resonated with me: "This woman doesn't believe men could like her or be attracted to her just as she is. And because the only way they could want her is sexually, she believes she has to use her sexuality."

I've been doing a lot of inner work the past few years and have finally come to a place where I am secure and confident about being a good "catch", not just for sex, but because I'm a pretty cool person :)I'm currently single, and if I was dating a guy I really liked and could see myself having a relationship with, I would definitely want him to take the lead sexually. I also feel more comfortable waiting a few dates to have sex, whereas in the past the deed would be done on date one or two. This is just because I've learnt that having sex too early can distract from fundamental incompatibilities, so if I am looking to have a relationship with a guy, I want to know we're compatible first.

However, when it comes to casual hookups, I prefer being the one to make the first move. I can be pretty aggressive in this regard, not in the sense that I'd blow a guy in his car, but if I'm in a bar and see a guy I am attracted to, I'll make my interest clear. I might even make the first move to kiss him. I'd probably even be the one to suggest an adult sleepover (I'm not very interested in one-night-stands, but it has happened and could again). Partly this is because I enjoy the "hunt". it's fun, and I suppose validation comes into play too, as well as pride in knowing that I am confident enough to make the first move. Also, in a casual hookup type of scenario, I (hypocritically) get a bit turned off if a guy makes a first move in a nightclub or bar like scenario, especially if he comes off as too smooth, because then I feel like maybe this is just his modus operandi. I've been burned in the past by casanovas, so any casanova-like behaviour is a bit of a turn-off (this doesn't include playful flirting, just strong come-ons).

This post has given me food for thought, and made me wonder whether I still have any lingering insecurity. I honestly don't feel like I do, but I'm going to examine my behaviour more closely now. Would also appreciate any insights or suggestions regarding what I've written.
Laila says ...
I just had another insight as to why I feel more comfortable making the first move with a casual hookup - many hookups in the past have left me feeling a bit used, even when I didn't want more from them in the first place. I guess making the first move and being a bit aggressive is a sort of pre-emptive way of ensuring that I feel like I engineered the scenario, so I don't end up feeling used afterwards. So, clearly there's still a bit of insecurity there.
Ex perfectionist says ...
Great article and comments. Thank you.
Long story here. It might be applicable to you's been a revelation to me. Spiritual and self awareness.

Scenario: Sultry/slim/brunette latches on to me on POF. I just know she is sensual from her photos. I'm good shape. She is 46 on yes 47 in real life...but very good looking.

I'm into Reiki so my intuition is fairly well tuned. I'm well experienced in the sack. She's a self confessed sapiophile. I didn't mention my profession or earnings on the site.
(Background...she was 18 stone reduced to 9 stone...5'9"....4 kids too (5 year old twins, 8, and 12..all boys), oh and just going through a divorce).

The messages went well. After about a month (OK a long time but I was recovering from a bicep snap and was maybe delaying). Suddenly she said something on the lines of "hurt" etc. My intuition told me to forget her. So I did..I ditched her..
3 days later she came back pestering. So the sexual energy cranked up. I healed her insomnia by mediation. She said she experienced tantric type vibes. She also saw, by Reiki, colours pertaining to childishness and dishonesty (pinks).

Anyway. I told her. June 21st I would book a night at the Hilton Manchester....shit or bust. A meet in the foyer would reveal any physical energy. If it wasn't there we could have a nice afternoon/evening, sleep on different sides of the bed. And go home.

I saw her in her new DS-3..I was in my Mitsi truck. I got out..walked over kissed her and asked if she was Ok. She was fine. We parked up, checked in, went upstairs. I kissed her and it just went from strength to strength. I nailed her for 6 hours apart from 15 mins for room service wine. Amazing experience. She always says it was amazing too.
( intuition said NO. Her skin was tired without makeup. Nasil hair. Loose belly skin. Clearly died black hair. I watched her walk over my jeans hmmmm. But so so sexy. And a great party. But I was hooked..oh yes she wore a flaking silver pendent/leather necklace. When I asked her she said it was "symbolism" hmmm yes..I was in ego mode at the time though).
Also a friend has an apartment in Italy and invited lots of us over for Xmas. When I mentioned it to her she jumped at the chance (we hadn't met) saying "the kids will have to get used to it" (Psychopathy maybe???). This was an alarm bell.

The relationship blossomed. We just got closer. Sex went to 8 hours then 9 and sometimes 12. I've never experienced a woman orgasm so much (twitching hips/groans/blushed skin/pops and squeaks/elevated heart rate. For me...she was squirting. She was sex mad. She requested to swallow all the didn't feel right.

I did however dump her a few times. it just didn't feel right. Not that she was higher value than I; I knew she knew how to give herself good make-overs. I could see the sex appeal. She was a magnet. She had the walk. The height. The heels. the body. I could feel the vibes too. I even asked an associate to vacate the bar for seemingly rubbing up to her.

My mind went off work. I was in sex mode. She stayed over 3 days a week. All we did was shag. Time just went nowhere.
I'm no push over. I'm a "this is how it is" sort of bloke.
She wanted to move in. Alarm bell....4 kids...she wanted them to live with her hubby. I wobbled....said yes but with a cohabitation agreement. Then slept finally saying NO...not until 6 months (Narcissm maybe??..she wanted a new life)
She had dated a TV presenter/DJ (who had dated Courtney Love yadiyada). Dated this drummer/ that drummer. Her Niece's hubby a marine had made a pass at her at a family wedding (allegedly). All the family had been involved in adultery. This woman was the youngest of 5 children...she had disowned them for reasons of childhood pain (I suspect they were just tired of kids as they were well into their 40's). She confessed to an affair since her hubby (16 years senior) had gotten two 20k loans behind her back. (Hmmmm, yes...I knew there were more affairs too, maybe my insecurity...maybe the jealousy plot).
I did actually say to her that probabilistically she would be likely to be unfaithful. The jealousy just got worse...and I'm usually not like that. However my intuition told me she was toxic...but I was hooked.
I did however ask for FWB but she became very emotional as she loved me. When I referred to other blokes she had just had fun with, she said it was different because she "loves me" lol.
I have a wide circle of friends and she loved the life round my town. She wanted to be here (Machivellisom maybe???). I did pick up that she didn't have friends from school.

I'm the only bloke to have met her kids. I got really know...quad copters, toys/maths learning aids etc) They noe think I'm just working abroad.
So there seemed to be jealousy was working too. I told her it was annoying the fact she dropped names. So I kept dumping her. Tears came then we'd make and shag up. Two weeks ago we made up. I treated her to an afternoon in Manchester again. It was fun. We got pissed. We met a random couple and the woman started dancing with me. I had been making fun out of the bloke. Anyway my bird started consoling him...rubbing his hand and hugging him...but using the very same body language I thought was unique to me. On our way out I simply told her it was over. Walking through Manchester she became hysterical. People were stopping us thinking I had touched her. I hadn't. I just wanted my keys and my gate fob.
She abused me verbally all the way home. (Balding etc..although my hair had thinned slightly during the escapade. It is now fuzzing up again lol). At home I wouldn't let her sleep with me. She started phoning this bloke/that bloke/this ex policeman etc. I simply opened the door, moved her outside , the locked it). She kicked my cars...its all on CCTV.
She insisted on driving home (30 miles) even though drunk. She threatened police etc. I had to open the gates but recorded her threats.

The day after she was shouty but still insisted she luved me but that I needed help (self esteem etc). I told her NO.
That week she went right through my facebook list telling everyone how bad I am.

After the fall out my Reiki master told me that on merting her...the jad words (she didn't tell me). He had told her that her knew what her game was...and that she had cast a bond spell. He reckons to have neutralised it...hence our last break up just one week after.

So..after reading your site plus others I learn of the "Dark Triad". I think she might be a classic example. Also I must admit, that as a self made "head strong" man, that subconsciously I thing I have admired the Dark Triad...male and female.


I do know that the moody/sultry/brunette/temptress has always been a favourite. I have always got my fingers burnt with them. They must be able to read me like a book. As you say Doc..other girls seem boring. So now understanding Pavalov's Dog and CBT I know that this type of woman will play fault ha ha. The saving grace is that she generally paid 30% of activities. maybe she had a bigger agenda than I thought.

Self CBT has enabled me to logically assess her worthiness; proving my intuition correct. Simply put I was seduced.

Any tips on training my reflexes to normal nice women would be appreciated.

Was I a test for see if she could break me? Was I projecting tough guy on my profile subconsciously? Could she tell I was fairly wealthy? Or is she a witch with dark powers as some people are suggesting? )I know i had a few sleepless nights and coukdn't get her off my mind)

My mates insist there was no passion on her behalf. Obviously this is somewhat upsetting however the sex just felt great. We even communicated non verbally and remotely. We it were...soulmates (temporary).

I can laugh at myself, remember the s
ex (but nit to much lol)

ps I'm contemplating contacting her 16 yr senior hubby to share my story and to give him some peace oif mind as I'm sure he's in turmoil (and skint). He's an engineer too...I always insisted to her that I would get on well with him. i'd like to know the history of the affairs too...just for closure.

lilliput says ...
Maybe it is just me, but isn't running away from another human being with emotional issues simplistic?

a) I know of very few people (if any) without emotional issues.
b) people with issues need help and support.

Willingness to enter a relationship requires willingness to be volurable. We are so keen not to get hurt that we keep thinking we can get into a "normal" and "healthy" relationship with someone who hasn't got any issues. All we are getting is people who can act normal for longer and have burried their issues deeper. The need to be liked is universal until you have been hurt so many times that you end up hating everyone and substituted people with money, porn, computers,...whatever you can control. It's at that point I would advise professional help. Any stage before than can be engaged with (in my experience anyway). I just stay away from instant self gratification of sex. spending time listening is really all it takes. funny thing is, most people I met turn out to be nice people with some emotional issues.
Kim says ...
WOW. I have never read anything so insulting. I happen to be a sexually assertive/seductive woman. Just because I am sexually assertive does not mean I am easy; far from it. Nor does it mean that I cheat when I am in a committed relationship; my sexuality has nothing to do with my morals.
Ang says ...
This guy is a complete asshole. So, only prudes who haven't endured any trauma are worth loving?? Enjoy your vanilla sex life if you want some woman who holds sex over you like a prize. Enjoy jerking off to porn after she goes to sleep. Fuck this Dr. Glover, he's a complete douche.n I value myself highly, but the fact that Dr. Glover here doesn't seem to understand is that WE ALSO WANT TO HAVE SEX. It's not just about you. If you want a woman who is reluctant to have sex, by all means seduce her--but years into the marriage she will stop blowing you, and you'll get laid maybe once a month. If you don't discriminate against a woman who loves sex as much as you do--I promise you a very healthy sex life in the future. Don't listen to this guy--his mentality is soooo outdated and sexist.
dude says ...
Look, the question is clear, is she nuts? So simple answer, can you do crazy? Do you deserve disrespect crazy carrys? No and no.

Thanks to post I plan to gain my life back. But I don't trust that I will see my son again if I leave her control. Ugh, don't know how to go about change since my mother abused me, and I fell into more of it.

Money is something these women will make vanish. Its a sign don't miss it.
Andrew says ...
why is making the first move, taking initiative, a masculine thing? who cares about the penis-vagina argument about penetrating and receiving? do we have to let our brains be dictated by our sex organs? plus, i was reading online, it says that a Female Giraffe will sometimes approach a Male Giraffe first, and Giraffes are mammals just like humans are.
Sexually aggressive woman😉😉 says ...
I speak on behalf of all strong, self aware women when I say that this notion is generalizing women's sexuality and frankly bullshit. It is 2015, if I want to have sex with a man and am attracted to him I tell him, point blank. I am not a victim of abuse, nor am I insecure. In fact I am very secure with myself, my body, my independence and most importantly (to the this "theory",) my sexuality. A woman not wanting to waste time with archaic courting games a "whore" does not make. If a woman is being safe in her sexual practices, not hurting anyone,or herself, let the girl give a blow job on the first date. For the record, I have been with the same man for almost a decade who treats me like a queen and I fucked him on the very first night. This theory is misogynistic and trite.
Lydia Price says ...
This is such a crock of shit. All of it.
Wbotb says ...
You are unbelievably sexist. Men try to bed women all the time and when they do they run afterward. You don't say anything about men who do this are being insecure. Nor do you talk about how women buying men gifts and going out of their way to be nice to them are insecure. Men will pass judgement on a woman because she's really hot. Doesn't matter how much she doesnt suggest sex or come in to him.

I'm a really hot woman and I was hoping this guy would make a move on me and he didn't. I gave him plenty of signs I was interested, sexy smile, leaning in towards him and eye contact. rhen he was saying he was tired and how maybe he could stay at my place. I just ignored what he said. Eventually we said goodnight and he never called me again.

Also, as soon as a man has sex with a woman these days they start playing head games. They cause all sorts of drama. I think you have it wrong mr. Too many men are insecure and they don't know how to treat a woman like a lady.
kissing bandit says ...
Simple...crazy in the head...crazy in bed!:)
bonercommand says ...
Women, particularly attractive ones, act relatively demure because they've been taught to be "good girls," because they're accustomed to being courted, and because the average female is probably less biologically aggressive than the average male. That's what makes male seduction fantasies so difficult to translate into real life. There is, however, no reason to believe that sexually assertive women are particularly neurotic (let alone past victims of abuse), or that the very large proportion of men who admit to having had at least some submission fantasies are simply doormats.

A lot of men undoubtedly prefer being comparatively passive for the same reason so many women do - because it relieves them of performance anxiety, enables them to relax, and makes sexual arousal easier and intimacy more enjoyable.

learner says ...
This writer really has no idea. Of course there are more than 2 methods of seduction. And the Unconscious proposal is so flawed it is a joke.

This writer is obviously oblivious to the fact he is writing from a perspective of hegemonic masculinity. Women are not so stereotypically understood. Who is he to say what empowers a woman?
Maria says ...
Misogynists such as Dr Glover and some of the other men in here is the reason that the world is such a dangerous place for women to live in.
mars says ...
TRUTH IS< he is right!!! all my experiences are that way with woman...the love of my life was this way, she would seduce me and charm me like crazy, toy and play with my life and heart...and the lesson she taught was devastating to me inside...she had her daughter calling me dad even and talking marriage and all...then i cant even explain still all these years later how cold hearted ashe became and why..i never got closure or any explanation at all..she promised the futue with me, she was so over protective of me as i was with her..she was my best friend...woman can turn feelings off like a light switch on your are not programmed to be that unloyal..
laura says ...
I believe most women who seduce are in all actuality emotionally and sexually mature, that their sexuality comes from a place of confidence and empowerment, that social norms of the past such as"Men taking the lead" have become outdated. A woman who is confident enough to take the lead is a woman who should be cherished. Because she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. she is not seducing for validation, she seduces because she likes sex. she seduces for the same reasons men seduce, AND is that so wrong?

IS a confident woman something men should fear? IF it is i have to say they are fools!
laura says ...
I believe most women who seduce are in all actuality emotionally and sexually mature, that their sexuality comes from a place of confidence and empowerment, that social norms of the past such as"Men taking the lead" have become outdated. A woman who is confident enough to take the lead is a woman who should be cherished. Because she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. she is not seducing for validation, she seduces because she likes sex. she seduces for the same reasons men seduce, AND is that so wrong?

IS a confident woman something men should fear? IF it is i have to say they are fools!
zac says ...


A lonely woman says ...
Don't listen to this, please. He doesn't have a fucking idea what is he talking about. He only wants to get money and write shit on internet that some people really believe. I'm sick of it. You can't put any human being, a man, or a woman, into the box. This is so wrong on so many levels.
jayson says ...
its not sexist at all. Women have been well documented in history to not know how to take criticism well. the man even explained to you the difference between a seductive woman that just likes to have sex and an insecure woman that acts that way because it ges her attention. im sorry that its so hard for you women to believe that but those women exists. and honestly. the women that found this " offensive" are probably the same women sucking another guys dick when she has a bf at home that calls her beautiful everyday. fucks her on the daily and shows how much he loves her. cut the bull shit ladies. Men. i see you too. stop trying to earn points pretending you are just as offended. this is real life. and if u can't handle honesty. looking in the mirror and seeing the real reason u can't keep a guy. don't read Dr.Robert Glover's stuff.
AC says ...
Met a sexually aggressive woman. She had me in bed after our first date. She knew what she wanted and got it. Now we've been married 17 years and still sometimes she attacks me. It is wonderful. You appear to be addressing your comments to insecure men, or perhaps for teenagers for whom your advice might possibly be more appropriate. if I had run a mile (as you appear to recommend) I would have missed out on a wonderful marriage. Your advice seems to damage the chance of achieving happiness.
Bibiana says ...
To each his own, that's what I say. Some men enjoy aggressive women, others don't. Simple.
Jillian says ...
As a woman reading all of this I am disgusted. Get a life all of you men and stop trying to tell men what a woman should be or shouldn't be. Sad.
Gena says ...
As a woman I'm reading this and that first I was truly disgusted with the malarkey that has been posted here. To be honest with you I think it's sad that so many men are buying into this nonsense to justify the fact that they cannot deal with a woman who is in control and confident in herself. You justify this behavior by saying that the woman has been sexually abused and that she doesn't know her worth, can it not be because she just enjoys the way that sex makes her feel? There are so many women out there who are very powerful but they simply do not have time for a relationship but don't mind a good romp in the bedroom. Unfortunately because she likes a good romp in the bedroom she's looked at like she is a "slut" or simply put as you say a "really wrong woman". You are exactly the type from which a woman of any kind needs to run from because you suffer from Madonna syndrome. If you truly are the doctor you claim to be then you know what I am referring to. I feel that you expect for all women to be pristine and perfect... well guess what we live in a new millennium where women are not scared of themselves or the act of sex. We no longer live in the Victorian ages which is what you are grooming your male readers to look for. Don't get me wrong I'm glad that you thought to tell them that they should explore the reason why they are so insecure, but I also think that you should explore the reason why you feel the need to manipulate other men the way that you are. I don't know where you got your doctorate from and to be honest with you I'm not even sure you have a doctorate and if you don't I find it quite alarming that you're trying to practice psychology. You're reaching at something that you possibly understand and that is the femininity of women.
soshdog says ...
I am amazed at how many people who were "offended" missed the points of the article. Reading comprehension much? There is a difference between

1. A woman being aggressive sexually because she really wants to have sex with the man because she enjoys it and wants to have sex with him (conscious).

2. A woman being aggressive sexually, saying sexually graphic things, and trying to seduce him for the purpose of getting him to like her and validate her (manipulative and unconscious).

Yes, Dr. Glover creates categories to help make certain points, because he is talking about dealing with a general population. Sorry he doesn't have a magic formula that works perfect for each individual. These are general guidelines and paradigms given to help us understand dynamics that were previously confusing. Of course we should try to stay present to the moment and use critical thinking and take things on a case-by-case basis.

The information and help that Dr. Glover has given myself and thousands of other men have been priceless and improved my life tremendously. So you can hate all you want, and think we're moron followers whose thinking is being controlled (rather than liberated) all you want. Peace, with Love.
AW says ...
Pretty poorly thought out article full of assumptions from all sides and completely unorganized thought process. Read this article twice and disagreed with these assumptions and gross generalizations even more the second time. From start to finish, it's the kind or writing and journalism that makes me cringe. Irresponsible and sensational garbage.
AW says ...
Pretty poorly thought out article full of assumptions from all sides and a completely unorganized thought process. Read this article twice and disagreed with these assumptions and gross generalizations even more the second time. From start to finish, it's the kind or writing and journalism that makes me cringe. Irresponsible and sensational garbage. That he calls himself a doctor speaks in volume since a responsible doctor backs up their assumptions with some credible research, not mashing and rehashing various nonsense they read somewhere. So by default, this is nothing but mindless drivel and pure speculation for entertainment purposes only. Just bothersome that you have to work so hard to find and credible stories worth reading these days, and this is DEFINITELY NOT one of those stories!
Sandra says ...
I was so heartbroken and don't know what to do with myself but after 3 days of contacting dr_mack@yahoo. com , my Ex lover came back on his kneel begging me to take him back
Monica says ...
I met a woman in Gainesville that I was somewhat attracted to but felt like I needed to get to know her more. However, even before our 2nd date, apparently she decided that we would have sex on the 2nd date. I was very taken aback by her aggressiveness and I do see now that she has very little self esteem. She could speak really well and make people believe that she was really independent and secure. I'm not against a woman being true to themselves and their own sexuality however I have a big problem with anyone that are only using someone for their own insecurities. I live and love believing that being honest about who you are is the best bet. If they don't like you after that, then you didn't need them anyway but yo try to use your sexuality as a man or a woman to gain acceptance is NOT the way to go. In fact this woman completely turned me off because I could read through her fake ways. I'm just voicing my opinion.
Dave. says ...
The author is unfortunately spot on. While I have met exceptions (women who just love sex) almost all the very sexually aggressive women (I mean aggressive from the moment of first eye contact) had issues and used sex to get men to like them and pay attention to them. They were insecure and most had at least some level of sexual or emotional abuse in their background. I am a guy who loves women. I grew up with sisters and have allways had almost as many female friends as male friends. All my ex girlfriends still love and respect me (I did not say they are still in love with me that is very different). I felt bad for these women and did not always run away. If the woman in question had multiple other qualities I like in a woman I would stick around (I like very sweet extremely intelligent women, the more education the better, who have a good sense of humor and who have talents beyond their education/profession like writing, art, musical talent etc.). I have had three relationships with women who fell into this category.... Previously mistreated/abused and insecure. Two were 26 years old which leaves lots of room for growth and change. One when I was thirty and the second when I was forty seven and was the stable successful older man in her life. They both healed. They wanted to heal and I believe that being with a man who they could tell relatively early on loved them because of who they are not just for sex. Don't get me wrong the sex is great but I did not need them to get it. I needed them because they were my best friend, I loved them and they made me a better man than I was when I was not with them. The third was very damaged as a result of the most severe sexual abuse you can imagine. I tried but she is still a mess over 11 years later. I still did not give up on her and am probably her closest friend. Don't judge these woman harshly. Most got this way because of events in their past that they could not have prevented.
The women writing in and bashing the author are looking at the world the way they wish it were not the imperfect reality of how it is.