I was proud to make that statement about myself through much of my early adult life. I was a Nice Guy. I wanted to treat people well, and I wanted to be liked. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have a similar personal mantra.
While in my early 30’s, in spite of my unwavering faith in this philosophy, my life was in crises. One marriage had ended. A second one wasn’t going so well. My career dreams were stalled. I was frustrated, resentful, and confused. If you talked to the people closest to me, I wasn’t so nice.
I decided to start working on my situation. I joined a men’s group and started working with a therapist. Honestly, my initial goal was to find out why the people around me weren’t responding so well to my Nice Guy philosophy, and I wanted to find out how to get them to change.
Within a short amount of time, I came to see that the problem was ME. I had an agenda. I had no boundaries. I was indirect. I was passive-aggressive. I wasn’t honest. I wasn’t always so nice.
As I was making these discoveries about myself, I noticed that married men I worked with in my practice as a marriage therapist were making the same kind of statements about their partners that I had been making about mine:
I could finish their sentences for them.
Then there were the single guys. The guys who either couldn’t get a date or who were deeply entrenched in the friend zone with the women they desired. These guys helped out and listened to women talk about their problems. They patiently waited, hoping the women they desired would quit lamenting over “jerks” and wake up to see what great men they were. Only to hear something like, “You’re such a great guy. You’ll make some lucky woman very happy some day.”
Over time I came to see, that like me, the road map of these passively pleasing men unconsciously influenced every area of their lives. I came to realize that I wasn’t the only man thinking that if I was just nice, people would like me, they would meet my needs without me having to ask, and I would have a smooth, problem-free life.
In the early 90’s I started my first “No More Mr. Nice Guy” group for these men. We met every other week, and I began writing “chapters” to give them about what I was discovering about the “Nice Guy Syndrome.” As I wrote these chapters, I kept receiving the constant feedback from these men and their partners, “You should write a book, and you should go on Oprah.”
Well, I never made it on Oprah, but I did write the book. Barnes & Noble and Running Press published it in 2003, and it has since been translated into several languages and sold thousands of copies.
Daily, I receive emails from men and women all over the world thanking me for No More Mr. Nice Guy. They tell me how it has changed their lives, and most express the sentiment that they wish they had found it sooner.
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy
The Nice Guy Syndrome
The Making Of A Nice Guy
Learn To Please The Only Person Who Really Matters
Make Your Needs A Priority
Reclaim Your Personal Power
Reclaim Your Masculinity
Get The Love You Want: Success Strategies For Intimate Relationships
Get The Sex You Want: Success Strategies For Satisfying Sex
Be All You Can Be: Discover Your Passion And Purpose In Life, Job, And Career
“No More Mr. Nice Guy has taken the world by storm." – Washington Times
You can purchase No More Mr. Nice Guy in hardcover, eBook, and in audio format.
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The Spanish eBook translation is entitled, "
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The French print translation is entitled, “Trop Gentil Pour Être Heureux: Le Syndrome du Chic Type.”
"When I first saw the title No More Mr. Nice Guy, I put this book down in haste. I didn't like the title and assumed the book would be too negative or needlessly attacking of women. Then I saw the book on my desk again and opened it. I read the first chapter, then I read the second. As I kept reading I thought, “This is a very important book!” Now that I've finished it, I must recommend it to both men and women. It is insightful and very powerful, and it is very good for marriage. Don't be fooled by the title. This book is about much more than you might think! It is an important addition to our understanding of men, women and marriage."
Michael Gurian, Author of The Wonder of Boys
"I recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy regularly to my psychotherapy clients. My male clients talk glowingly about the book and often report seeing themselves on every page. Dr. Glover graphically shows why Nice Guys are not altruistic, loving, or empathic. These qualities only appear when men stop following the rules of niceness and start finding out who they are and what they really want and need. Every man and every woman should read this book!"
Anne Stirling Hastings, Ph.D., Author of America’s Sexual Crisis
"No More Mr. Nice Guy is about being a man, not a manipulator. It is about being our genuine selves, not pseudo selfless. It frees the women we love to trust us and respect us rather than fear us and suspect us. It is for every man who does not want to fear commitment out of fear of losing himself. It is well written, insightful and down-to-earth. It is for every man."
Warren Farrell, Ph.D., Author of The Myth of Male Power
“No More Mr. Nice Guy is the definitive book for helping men overcome their chronic tendencies to accommodate, acquiesce, and appease their way through life. Dr. Glover knows how to speak to guys, bringing straightforward, funny, audacious, and highly-practical wisdom that teaches them step by step how to be the man they always wanted to be.”
James Rapson, M.S., co-author of Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice
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Caleb Gammon, Atlanta GA
Nikki, Boulder, CO (self-described “radical feminist”)
“I would like to say that I've read your book three times and each time I read it, I still get blown away.”
Chinedu Amadi, Nigeria
“Finally I found out what I have been looking for. I realized that there was a problem with me a few years back when I got rejected by a girl. Since then I have been reading a lot on low self esteem and other similar stuff. But your book is the ultimate guide. Every single word in the book is true. I can’t thank you enough. Keep it up man.”
Ash, Jowai, Meghalaya, India
"I really can't wait to implement all the suggestions of the book into my love life which is one of my main weaknesses. I'm sure I'm going to be successful. You have changed my life doctor. I was so amazed about the book I bought it in kindle and paper (this one I'm going to share it with a friend who is a nice guy too!!!) I really can't stop thanking you."
Juan C, London, UK
"In reading NMMNG I became aware that I was unconsciously repeating behavior that destined me to fail in my intimate relationships. The book is a profound gift to any man wanting to establish authenticity in all aspects of his life and discontinue his role as a relationship 'welcome mat.'"